Digging for Why
Of the more common mythos that permeate our culture, there are few I'd rather kill more than the concept of a "soulmate".
The harm that this has wrought up people is difficult to quantify, but I'd wager it has caused irreparable harm to countless people, either in the form of emotional anguish or in the opportunity cost of time wasted chasing after what are ultimately fruitless pursuits.
It probably stems from an unhealthy fascination with Platonic ideals. The notion that there is some perfect form of justice, or love, or virtue, or any other abstract notion, that exists out there is an ethereal realm beyond our universe, and for which we can only strive to imitate as closely as possible, is one that we should be content to leave to the ancient Athenians, along with the prognostications of the oracle of Delphi and their ridiculous sacrificial rites.
There's no such thing as perfect. To insist that there is to make an enemy of the good.
What is the meaning of life? Certainly there's no objective answer to this question that would apply wholesale to all human beings, though there is no shortage of people who will pony up an idea worthy of stuffing into a fortune cookie.
And what about for each of us as individuals? There are two possible extremes. First, there is an objective meaning to your life, some purpose you are meant to accomplish, that exists a priori to your own existence, and your job is to set out in life to uncover this. Second, there is no objective meaning, life begins without any inherent point, and the only shape that the meaning of your life might take is that which you mold for yourself.
Oddly, people despair of the latter existential possibility. This is something I can fully appreciate, since I held this viewpoint until only a few years ago. And, even after I had intellectually come to grips with it, I still found myself having trouble waking up every day and living according to the precept that life starts in meaninglessness, until you seed it with meaning and water it through how you choose to live your life.
Yes, it's hard and scary.
Here is the example I used to illustrate the practical difference between the two positions. In the first case, you are born into a world in which you come of age and then you are, via a prior arrangement, told exactly who you will marry and where you will live. In the second alternative case, you can choose who you marry, with full autonomy, but with the understanding that you may spend your adult life searching the world for a romantic partner, stumbling in the darkness, completely uncertain about whether or not you will ever find anyone before shuffling off this mortal coil.
Which one sounds better to you?
Rick Warren would have people believe that God has foreordained some purpose for each of us, and it is our job to find it, through supplication and prayer. I have known religious people who spend their lives searching for meaning, and they claim to be doing so with God's help. I have known non-religious people who spend their lives in very much the same way. The overall process, and the results it yields, seem very much indistinguishable between the two cases. The difference is one of attribution. God helps some people who help themselves, and some other people just help themselves. God is a consultant you pay to tell you what to do, but who does none of the actual work.
It's a nice idea--and one that I bought into for many years--that there is someone out there who has been put here especially for you. To make it less egotistical, you can say that the two of you were each put here for each other. Your task is to spend your life searching the world for that person and to reap the reward of finding them. But in the absence of any objective confirmation that you have found your true soulmate, without any certainty, how is this process any different from just having encounters with random people in the hopes that you find someone you love enough to want to be with?
I don't see the difference, and that entails choosing the second position instead of the first. You don't have to find the correct book to read. Your job is to write it.
The harm that this has wrought up people is difficult to quantify, but I'd wager it has caused irreparable harm to countless people, either in the form of emotional anguish or in the opportunity cost of time wasted chasing after what are ultimately fruitless pursuits.
It probably stems from an unhealthy fascination with Platonic ideals. The notion that there is some perfect form of justice, or love, or virtue, or any other abstract notion, that exists out there is an ethereal realm beyond our universe, and for which we can only strive to imitate as closely as possible, is one that we should be content to leave to the ancient Athenians, along with the prognostications of the oracle of Delphi and their ridiculous sacrificial rites.
There's no such thing as perfect. To insist that there is to make an enemy of the good.
What is the meaning of life? Certainly there's no objective answer to this question that would apply wholesale to all human beings, though there is no shortage of people who will pony up an idea worthy of stuffing into a fortune cookie.
And what about for each of us as individuals? There are two possible extremes. First, there is an objective meaning to your life, some purpose you are meant to accomplish, that exists a priori to your own existence, and your job is to set out in life to uncover this. Second, there is no objective meaning, life begins without any inherent point, and the only shape that the meaning of your life might take is that which you mold for yourself.
Oddly, people despair of the latter existential possibility. This is something I can fully appreciate, since I held this viewpoint until only a few years ago. And, even after I had intellectually come to grips with it, I still found myself having trouble waking up every day and living according to the precept that life starts in meaninglessness, until you seed it with meaning and water it through how you choose to live your life.
Yes, it's hard and scary.
Here is the example I used to illustrate the practical difference between the two positions. In the first case, you are born into a world in which you come of age and then you are, via a prior arrangement, told exactly who you will marry and where you will live. In the second alternative case, you can choose who you marry, with full autonomy, but with the understanding that you may spend your adult life searching the world for a romantic partner, stumbling in the darkness, completely uncertain about whether or not you will ever find anyone before shuffling off this mortal coil.
Which one sounds better to you?
Rick Warren would have people believe that God has foreordained some purpose for each of us, and it is our job to find it, through supplication and prayer. I have known religious people who spend their lives searching for meaning, and they claim to be doing so with God's help. I have known non-religious people who spend their lives in very much the same way. The overall process, and the results it yields, seem very much indistinguishable between the two cases. The difference is one of attribution. God helps some people who help themselves, and some other people just help themselves. God is a consultant you pay to tell you what to do, but who does none of the actual work.
It's a nice idea--and one that I bought into for many years--that there is someone out there who has been put here especially for you. To make it less egotistical, you can say that the two of you were each put here for each other. Your task is to spend your life searching the world for that person and to reap the reward of finding them. But in the absence of any objective confirmation that you have found your true soulmate, without any certainty, how is this process any different from just having encounters with random people in the hopes that you find someone you love enough to want to be with?
I don't see the difference, and that entails choosing the second position instead of the first. You don't have to find the correct book to read. Your job is to write it.