This is one thing I too often get wrong.

I'm generally an optimistic person. I'm not saying I think the world is a great place. It isn't. But I've come to believe, in all situations, by default, that I'll be able to deal with whatever difficulty gets tossed my way. I tend to keep my chin up and grin moronically at those around me, because the alternative is frowning moronically at those around me. And smiling feels better.

But there's a complaint you hear, usually voiced by women about men, although both genders are equally capable, and indeed equally guilty, of the committing the mistake. Usually, in casual conversation, when we complain about something in our lives, we want to be heard. We want to be understood. We're craving connection with another human being and we're trying to do that by fishing for common ground.

The problem with being optimistic, and hoping you can make your optimism contagious, is that you risk marginalizing the other person's feelings. If someone is complaining about their parents and how they behave, it does absolutely no good to reassure them by saying, "Hey, at least your parents are still alive, however imperfect they might be." The other person isn't looking for a glass-is-half-full lesson in the virtues of gratitude.

Or is someone shares a problem with you, and you try to solve it for them. Just about everyone I've ever met is intelligent enough to solve their own problems. Unless they ask me explicitly for help with a situation they're facing, I don't offer it. Otherwise, all you're doing is insulting their intelligence.

I'm still trying to figure out how to be an optimist that doesn't bug the crap out of others.