The Biggest Mistake I've Ever Made
There is a mistake that I have made at several times during my life, and even now that I'm aware of it, I still fall into the trap of making it sometimes. The mistake to which I'm prone is assuming that life is easier for other people than it is for me.
This has implications in my actions. During high school, a time I spent immersed in a weird combination of self-absorption and self-loathing, I often found myself frustrated by other people. This was largely because I didn't understand them. I was afraid that people would realize just how ignorant I was of a lot of things, and more importantly, I was afraid people would recognize that I was afraid. During a lot of social interactions, I was terrified that people were constantly judging me.
This is based on a few flawed assumptions, the first being that all of the people I went to high school were never afraid of anything themselves. I believed that everyone else had their ducks in a row, that they had their lives together and their problems worked out, and so I came to expect a lot of people. I expected them to accommodate me, since I was the poor suffering person and they were brimming with confidence and self-assurance. This expectation was, of course, unreasonable, and I think it made me come across as an asshole.
And, of course, in a normal situation, not everyone in the room is ever sitting there silently judging you. That's a very egocentric viewpoint, and causes a weird feedback loop inside a person's head. There are some judgemental people in the world, and it takes time to learn to deal with them, but I wouldn't worry about their opinions too much.
Today, the situation is different for me, as I understand that we're all afraid at times. I've found that the best way to deal with other people, and to deal with myself dealing with other people, I just have to keep reminding myself that others are doing what they do because they're trying to deal with their own fears and shortcomings. Life is a hard thing to get through, and without any specific instruction, we're all just kind of winging it.
In short, whatever people around me are doing, if it annoys me, if it seems arrogant, if it a person comes across as being really angry, I try to remind myself that they are coping. This is what all of us are doing, really: coping. We find little things that get us through our days, little things that bring us joy, and cling to them like crazy.
People choose a religion, political viewpoints, and an affinity for a certain type of music because it helps them cope. If someone disagrees with you about something like this, let them be. Turn the other cheek. They're coping. Unless, of course, you feel the need to argue because that's how you yourself like to cope with things.
Of course, saying that people are always coping implies that life always sucks. It doesn't. I don't really subscribe to that whole "being is suffering" maxim put forth by the existentialists, at least not in the modern-day United States. People have times when they're happy and times when they're not so happy. They try to keep the good times rolling and cope with the bad when they come up.
We're all trying to make the best of a bad situation. It helps to remember that whenever you're dealing with anyone, especially a difficult person.
This has implications in my actions. During high school, a time I spent immersed in a weird combination of self-absorption and self-loathing, I often found myself frustrated by other people. This was largely because I didn't understand them. I was afraid that people would realize just how ignorant I was of a lot of things, and more importantly, I was afraid people would recognize that I was afraid. During a lot of social interactions, I was terrified that people were constantly judging me.
This is based on a few flawed assumptions, the first being that all of the people I went to high school were never afraid of anything themselves. I believed that everyone else had their ducks in a row, that they had their lives together and their problems worked out, and so I came to expect a lot of people. I expected them to accommodate me, since I was the poor suffering person and they were brimming with confidence and self-assurance. This expectation was, of course, unreasonable, and I think it made me come across as an asshole.
And, of course, in a normal situation, not everyone in the room is ever sitting there silently judging you. That's a very egocentric viewpoint, and causes a weird feedback loop inside a person's head. There are some judgemental people in the world, and it takes time to learn to deal with them, but I wouldn't worry about their opinions too much.
Today, the situation is different for me, as I understand that we're all afraid at times. I've found that the best way to deal with other people, and to deal with myself dealing with other people, I just have to keep reminding myself that others are doing what they do because they're trying to deal with their own fears and shortcomings. Life is a hard thing to get through, and without any specific instruction, we're all just kind of winging it.
In short, whatever people around me are doing, if it annoys me, if it seems arrogant, if it a person comes across as being really angry, I try to remind myself that they are coping. This is what all of us are doing, really: coping. We find little things that get us through our days, little things that bring us joy, and cling to them like crazy.
People choose a religion, political viewpoints, and an affinity for a certain type of music because it helps them cope. If someone disagrees with you about something like this, let them be. Turn the other cheek. They're coping. Unless, of course, you feel the need to argue because that's how you yourself like to cope with things.
Of course, saying that people are always coping implies that life always sucks. It doesn't. I don't really subscribe to that whole "being is suffering" maxim put forth by the existentialists, at least not in the modern-day United States. People have times when they're happy and times when they're not so happy. They try to keep the good times rolling and cope with the bad when they come up.
We're all trying to make the best of a bad situation. It helps to remember that whenever you're dealing with anyone, especially a difficult person.