Across the Brownian Bridge
I don't know what the future looks like. Perhaps that's better than either despair or hope.
In my early twenties, I had a tendency to assume the worst of people. I concluded that people were simply selfish little creatures who were entirely out for themselves. I wanted to believe this, so very much, because it gave me license to be selfish myself. If you can write it off as human nature, then you can assume it as your own nature.
Are human beings selfish by their very nature? I don't know. I think the tendencies are there, but I don't think they define who we are. They are merely one thing we can choose. We're not selfish beings, but we try so hard to be. And too often we succeed.
I've realized over the course of the last year or two that the selfish façade I've constructed is a shell. It's a well-fed exterior that's hiding a malnourished interior that longs to care about something other than myself.
Assuming the worst from others has gotten me into plenty of trouble in the course of my life so far. I recognize this, so I've taken the pains to excavate the innocent piece of me that remains buried beneath the rubble of my selfish exterior. In the hopes of accomplishing a different outcomes, I've let this childish bit of me take the reigns. Unfortunately, this creature has led me down many terrible paths as well.
Assuming the best of others doesn't work so well either, simply because, in an imperfect world, people are incapable of operating at their best at all times. If you expect the best from everyone all the time, then people start to feel pressure from you to be at their best, which is simply an impossible expectation to live up to. And if you wear your innocence on your sleeve, then people will quickly figure out how to take advantage of you. It dawns on your that perhaps the shell was there for good reasons.
I don't know what the future looks like. You can treat it as you would a person you meet, and assume it's going to be wonderful or terrible. But as with any person, the truth about the future, when it gets here, is probably going to lurk somewhere in between. You roll with the wonderful and the terrible parts as they come, knowing that all of them will pass, and that the composite whole is worth far more than the mere sum.
I've always imagined myself walking into the future alone, like a lone cowboy strolling towards a setting sun across a barren desert, trying to avoid stepping on snakes or bumping into cacti. This is an imaginary myth that has no bearing in reality. The future is obscured from me, and what stands in the way is a massive throng of people.
Making your way into the future is like moving slowly through a crowded gymnasium at a networking event. Everywhere there are people bumping into one another, making their impressions on one another, then deflecting off to meet someone else. You move slowly, in Brownian fashion, erratically making your way to your destination as people come into and leave your life. Each person leaves an impression on you and alters your trajectory as you bounce away into another person. If you meet the right person you grab hands with them and twirl wildly in a circle with them until you get dizzy, fall down, and get up to do the whole thing again.
I don't know what the future looks like, just as I don't know who all of these people will be. I believe I'm happier not knowing.
In my early twenties, I had a tendency to assume the worst of people. I concluded that people were simply selfish little creatures who were entirely out for themselves. I wanted to believe this, so very much, because it gave me license to be selfish myself. If you can write it off as human nature, then you can assume it as your own nature.
Are human beings selfish by their very nature? I don't know. I think the tendencies are there, but I don't think they define who we are. They are merely one thing we can choose. We're not selfish beings, but we try so hard to be. And too often we succeed.
I've realized over the course of the last year or two that the selfish façade I've constructed is a shell. It's a well-fed exterior that's hiding a malnourished interior that longs to care about something other than myself.
Assuming the worst from others has gotten me into plenty of trouble in the course of my life so far. I recognize this, so I've taken the pains to excavate the innocent piece of me that remains buried beneath the rubble of my selfish exterior. In the hopes of accomplishing a different outcomes, I've let this childish bit of me take the reigns. Unfortunately, this creature has led me down many terrible paths as well.
Assuming the best of others doesn't work so well either, simply because, in an imperfect world, people are incapable of operating at their best at all times. If you expect the best from everyone all the time, then people start to feel pressure from you to be at their best, which is simply an impossible expectation to live up to. And if you wear your innocence on your sleeve, then people will quickly figure out how to take advantage of you. It dawns on your that perhaps the shell was there for good reasons.
I don't know what the future looks like. You can treat it as you would a person you meet, and assume it's going to be wonderful or terrible. But as with any person, the truth about the future, when it gets here, is probably going to lurk somewhere in between. You roll with the wonderful and the terrible parts as they come, knowing that all of them will pass, and that the composite whole is worth far more than the mere sum.
I've always imagined myself walking into the future alone, like a lone cowboy strolling towards a setting sun across a barren desert, trying to avoid stepping on snakes or bumping into cacti. This is an imaginary myth that has no bearing in reality. The future is obscured from me, and what stands in the way is a massive throng of people.
Making your way into the future is like moving slowly through a crowded gymnasium at a networking event. Everywhere there are people bumping into one another, making their impressions on one another, then deflecting off to meet someone else. You move slowly, in Brownian fashion, erratically making your way to your destination as people come into and leave your life. Each person leaves an impression on you and alters your trajectory as you bounce away into another person. If you meet the right person you grab hands with them and twirl wildly in a circle with them until you get dizzy, fall down, and get up to do the whole thing again.
I don't know what the future looks like, just as I don't know who all of these people will be. I believe I'm happier not knowing.