Socratic Romance
I got out of a long-term relationship that lasted over a decade about seven months ago. It ended messily, and I came away thinking that I wouldn't want to repeat the same mistakes again in any future relationships. After some time mourning, I started investigating how to get back on that particular horse; namely, what exactly should you do to get back into the dating arena?
I spent some time browsing information online, almost all of which was abysmal for my purposes. Much of it was advice for men by men about how to charm a woman you've just met to get her between the sheets. These tactics have their place, and I'm certainly no sultan of seduction myself, but for me, this comes only after some kind of connection has been established.
I came away from this online browsing knowing nothing more than I did going into it. I gave it some consideration, and I realized that much of what I was looking for is stuff that you're not going to find in any online article about how to date properly. Knowing how to establish a good romantic relationship with another person depends first and foremost on understanding yourself and what you want to get out of a relationship. In the context of the relationship, it's just as important to establish who the other person is and who they are.
Any article that gives you tips on "how to treat women" or "how to treat men" is invariably going to contain at least some bad information. Not all men are the same, just as not all women are the same. Two people come together as individuals. In each new possible relationship, you can use your own knowledge as a guide, but essentially, you're starting from scratch every time.
So this is how I came to regard myself as a Socratic romantic. If true knowledge consists in knowing that you know nothing, then when I'm meeting a woman for the first time, the wisest thing I can do is understand that most of what I've learned from history is immediately out the window. Going into a new situation, I will simply have no clue whatsoever how to satisfy a woman's emotional or romantic needs. (The regular gift of flowers is probably a good mainstay, but this alone isn't a foundation.)
Dialogue between individuals was Socrates' preferred method of arriving at the truth. Truth didn't exist in either person's head, but he felt that in trying to bring their understanding to the space between them through conversation, truth would emerge. And so my theory is that this dialogue needs to happen in any budding romance, as soon as you've gotten past the small talk, and both gotten of sense of who the other person is. I don't know how soon is too soon (sometime after immediately but before the first year anniversary, I'd guess), but I suspect this needs to happen early.
As I'm writing this, this is merely a germ of an idea I had, and I haven't had the chance to put it into practice. I thought the idea alone was enough to write about. And, maybe this advice is obvious. Now that I'm typing this out, it sure sounds obvious, but then, I've come across an awful lot of guys who, when you ask them for advice on women, are more than happy to explain to you precisely what women want. As though they are all the same. I've heard women give such advice about men to other women. The gender stereotype originated in a culture in which all people are trying to serve their basest desire: to procreate.
I spent some time browsing information online, almost all of which was abysmal for my purposes. Much of it was advice for men by men about how to charm a woman you've just met to get her between the sheets. These tactics have their place, and I'm certainly no sultan of seduction myself, but for me, this comes only after some kind of connection has been established.
I came away from this online browsing knowing nothing more than I did going into it. I gave it some consideration, and I realized that much of what I was looking for is stuff that you're not going to find in any online article about how to date properly. Knowing how to establish a good romantic relationship with another person depends first and foremost on understanding yourself and what you want to get out of a relationship. In the context of the relationship, it's just as important to establish who the other person is and who they are.
Any article that gives you tips on "how to treat women" or "how to treat men" is invariably going to contain at least some bad information. Not all men are the same, just as not all women are the same. Two people come together as individuals. In each new possible relationship, you can use your own knowledge as a guide, but essentially, you're starting from scratch every time.
So this is how I came to regard myself as a Socratic romantic. If true knowledge consists in knowing that you know nothing, then when I'm meeting a woman for the first time, the wisest thing I can do is understand that most of what I've learned from history is immediately out the window. Going into a new situation, I will simply have no clue whatsoever how to satisfy a woman's emotional or romantic needs. (The regular gift of flowers is probably a good mainstay, but this alone isn't a foundation.)
Dialogue between individuals was Socrates' preferred method of arriving at the truth. Truth didn't exist in either person's head, but he felt that in trying to bring their understanding to the space between them through conversation, truth would emerge. And so my theory is that this dialogue needs to happen in any budding romance, as soon as you've gotten past the small talk, and both gotten of sense of who the other person is. I don't know how soon is too soon (sometime after immediately but before the first year anniversary, I'd guess), but I suspect this needs to happen early.
As I'm writing this, this is merely a germ of an idea I had, and I haven't had the chance to put it into practice. I thought the idea alone was enough to write about. And, maybe this advice is obvious. Now that I'm typing this out, it sure sounds obvious, but then, I've come across an awful lot of guys who, when you ask them for advice on women, are more than happy to explain to you precisely what women want. As though they are all the same. I've heard women give such advice about men to other women. The gender stereotype originated in a culture in which all people are trying to serve their basest desire: to procreate.