Have you ever been asked this question: if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? If you asked me that in high school, I would have given you all kinds of answers, ranging from something about my physical appearance to wanting a little bit more disposable income to spend on weekends out with friends.

A couple of years ago, I finally settled on an answer that hasn't changed: I would like people to notice when I'm absent.

Professionally, I think I might have this down. I'm pretty sure that every job I've ever left has had to adjust how they functioned without my contributions. Socially, though, I think I've rarely done this.

It's easy to notice when someone is at a party or gathering, because they might be talking your ear off about their job or politics or whatever. By being there, you get to contribute to the conversations taking place and make connections with people.

But what about when you're not there? Do people notice your absence? Do they make comments to other people that go "If only so-and-so was here..." about you? I know only a small handful of people who have ever been able to have this kind of effect on people. They tend to be gregarious, entertaining, and confident, regardless of the people around them. In my case, I don't think anyone has ever commented about how much they wished I was around when I wasn't. (I'm not wallowing in self-pity; it's just an observation.)

This longing is, I think, universal. It's the reason we try so hard to over-educate ourselves and work to change the world. We want our influence to live on long after we've died. We want to make the history books for having achieved something great. We want people to notice that we're missing.