Letting Go Of First Impressions
A few years ago, I was looking at books on No Limit Hold 'em in the poker section of Borders. I picked up a rather advanced one that was written by David Sklansky and Ed Miller, who are very smart cookies when it comes to poker writing and are more than happy to throw their knowledge of more advanced mathematical concepts, as they apply to poker, into your face.
As I stood there thumbing through the pages of the book, I noticed an older gentleman with a beard standing next to me out of the corner of my eye. He was looking down at the book in my hands and then back up at me, back and forth, and I could tell he was just itching to say something to me. He was just waiting for me to give him the opportunity to speak up.
Knowing that there was no easy way to get out of the situation, I glanced over at him. (I didn't think to fake getting a cell phone call until an hour later.)
"That's not a beginner's book," he told me rapidly, his eyes large and bulging. I could now see that he was dressed like either a homeless person or a professor of philosophy at a community college.
"Oh, I know," I said politely.
"You'll be confused by that, it's very advanced," he continued, clearly not having heard me. "You should start by reading The Theory of Poker, and then tackle Dan Harrington's books."
"Actually, I've read those," I told him. "I thought Harrington's books were really helpful, even though I play in home games and not tournaments."
He was visibly bothered by this response, and didn't seem to know what to say to me after that. If I remember correctly, after a long beat, he restated the book I was holding wasn't for beginners and mumbled a few other things.
There really wasn't anything I could have said to make him comfortable. After studying me for a few seconds, he already had his first impression of me worked out in his head. Apparently I looked like a real Hold 'em greenhorn (which, to his credit, I actually am, despite having read the books he'd mentioned) and he based his interaction with me on that impression. And when reality seemed to conflict with that impression, it clearly made him uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, first impressions can't be made by appearances alone. I've often made remarks to people upon first meeting them, just based on the way they look, and been dead wrong. They say something that makes me realize I was mistaken, and I have to quickly alter the impression in my mind before it solidifies.
There's nothing wrong with jumping to conclusions as long as you remain adaptable, and retain the ability to admit, at least to yourself, that you might have been wrong.
As I stood there thumbing through the pages of the book, I noticed an older gentleman with a beard standing next to me out of the corner of my eye. He was looking down at the book in my hands and then back up at me, back and forth, and I could tell he was just itching to say something to me. He was just waiting for me to give him the opportunity to speak up.
Knowing that there was no easy way to get out of the situation, I glanced over at him. (I didn't think to fake getting a cell phone call until an hour later.)
"That's not a beginner's book," he told me rapidly, his eyes large and bulging. I could now see that he was dressed like either a homeless person or a professor of philosophy at a community college.
"Oh, I know," I said politely.
"You'll be confused by that, it's very advanced," he continued, clearly not having heard me. "You should start by reading The Theory of Poker, and then tackle Dan Harrington's books."
"Actually, I've read those," I told him. "I thought Harrington's books were really helpful, even though I play in home games and not tournaments."
He was visibly bothered by this response, and didn't seem to know what to say to me after that. If I remember correctly, after a long beat, he restated the book I was holding wasn't for beginners and mumbled a few other things.
There really wasn't anything I could have said to make him comfortable. After studying me for a few seconds, he already had his first impression of me worked out in his head. Apparently I looked like a real Hold 'em greenhorn (which, to his credit, I actually am, despite having read the books he'd mentioned) and he based his interaction with me on that impression. And when reality seemed to conflict with that impression, it clearly made him uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, first impressions can't be made by appearances alone. I've often made remarks to people upon first meeting them, just based on the way they look, and been dead wrong. They say something that makes me realize I was mistaken, and I have to quickly alter the impression in my mind before it solidifies.
There's nothing wrong with jumping to conclusions as long as you remain adaptable, and retain the ability to admit, at least to yourself, that you might have been wrong.